He’s Holding On To Me

He's Holding On To MeThe past few days have been really difficult for me. I struggle with anxiety and depression, and I’ve been battling that a lot more than normal the past few months. We’ve had a lot of things go on, things beyond our control. I’ve felt like my life was going in a downward spiral. I felt absolutely alone even though I was surrounded by people. I felt empty.

But mostly, I felt abandoned. I felt like God had brought me to this valley to struggle on my own. Before this valley, I felt like I was walking hand in hand with God, and I was following so close to Him. Then, out of no where, I didn’t feel Him next to me. I didn’t feel His Hand in mine. Now, I know sometimes when you can’t feel God, it’s because sin is in our lives, and I examined my heart and I repented of any sins I had committed, but I still didn’t feel Him. I realized, then, that I was in a valley designed to make me better.

I can remember when it started, and I remember the depression I had went into because of it. I remember praying and asking God to take away the intense sadness that was in my heart. I started to feel a little better the next morning, and then we had something come up that sent me farther into the pit of depression that I was in. I cried and called out to God and asked Him why things happened to me and my family. Why did people who didn’t live for Him get to have such great lives and we didn’t. We did everything He asked us to. We listened to His Word. We thought we were doing everything right. We thought we were living in a way that we pleasing to Him.

We saw people around us who lived wild lives, that didn’t line up with God’s Word, getting ‘blessed’ more than us. I didn’t understand it, and the more I tried to explain it, the more lost I became. The more I questioned and tried to understand, the more I questioned God in general. The more I tried to figure out God, the more I realized I couldn’t. I had gotten myself into a place where I was questioning God and not trusting Him, which is ironic since I had a post at the beginning of the year about praising Him more.

I didn’t feel His Hand, but I know without a doubt that He was holding me. During all of my questions, tears and prayers, I had let go of the Hand that hung the moon and placed the stars in their place. I had let go of the One who saved my soul even though I am so unworthy. I had told Him that I didn’t want to hold His hand anymore. I asked Him, in my last desperate plea, why He wouldn’t hold my hand.

I felt Him speak to my heart and tell me that He knew this trial would be more than I could bare. He knew that I would need to let go of His hand and try to figure things out. He knew my heart would be broken. He knew that when I let go, He would need to be holding me so I wouldn’t fall. He told me that He was holding on to me.

I couldn’t hold back the tears when I felt Him speak this to me. I knew it was true. As Christians, we can only do so much on our own; we can only hold on to Him for so long until we can’t do it anymore. That’s where His Grace comes in. He knows we can’t do it on our own. He made a way of escape, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that He will take us out of our valleys, but it does mean that He will never let go of our hand during it.

Can I share some encouragement with you today? God’s not through with you, and He will never forsake you! He loves you and when you can’t hold on to Him any long, He will be holding on to YOU. He’ll never let go, even when we let go of Him, He’s STILL holing on to us. The words of a wise song writer named Jane Cox comes to mind: “You will never wander out of my presence my child, thought these trials you just can’t understand. For wherever you are, I’ll be there your dearest Friend, and I will never let go of your hand.” What a wonderful promise. He’s never going to leave us or forsake us. He’ll always be right by our side through it all.

Lord, I ask that you touch whoever is reading this. I hope that this post will help someone in need. I pray that they know how much You love them, and when they feel they can’t go on, that they will know that You are holding on to them. I ask you to strengthen my brothers and sisters in Christ and help us all grow in You. Amen.


  1. Nancy Hall says:

    Katie, I love you and am praying for you. Thank you for serving God so faithfully.

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