Why I Didn’t Take A Purity Pledge

Why I Didn't Take A Purity PledgeNow before you go assuming things, that title doesn’t exactly mean who you think it means. I did, in fact, save myself for marriage. My husband was my first everything, even my first kiss. I just wanted to clear that up before I go any further.

There are several reasons I didn’t take a purity pledge and I wanted to share a few of them with any young person who may be reading this, and I hope they make the decision that is right for them and pleasing unto God.

I didn’t take a purity pledge because:

  1. Purity and virginity are two different things. The Bible tells us that we are to keep pure thoughts as Christians (Phil. 4:8); that doesn’t stop when we get married. Purity does not end when we are married. We may lose our virginity, but Christians are to remain pure. Our thoughts should be pure, our actions should be pure, our whole lives should be lived in a pure fashion! We all have impure thoughts from time to time, but that in no way effects our virginity. Although our virginity may be a factor in our purity, our purity is not solely based on whether we are a virgin or not. It is a lifestyle.
  2. My virginity is between me, my husband, and God. That’s it. The three of us is all it takes. It was my decision to stay a virgin until I was married, I made that decision when I was a teenager. I made that decision because I wanted to please God. I didn’t care what my church thought of me. I care about what God thinks about me, and if it is pleasing to Him, then that’s what I want to do. It was that simple. When I made that decision, I prayed that my husband would do the same. We were both virgins on our wedding night because WE chose to be, NOT because our church pressured us into a purity vow.
  3. Saving yourself for marriage is NOT one sided. A lot of this “purity” talk is directed towards young women, and that just simply isn’t Biblical. Fornication (the act of sex before marriage) is a sin for both men and women. Some people stress virginity and purity on young girls and forget that boys deal with sexual urges, too. It is not completely the females’ place to keep the relationship holy, the boys have a part in it too!
  4. I didn’t want a “contract” to diminish the gift my husband and I gave each other. Virginity is such a special thing, and I didn’t want to tarnish it before I gave it to my husband. I didn’t want to save myself because of some contract I made with my parents or my church. I didn’t want my husband to think, “She didn’t save herself for me, she saved herself for her parents, because they wanted her to. She didn’t want to save herself for me.” I couldn’t stand my husband thinking that, because, even as a teenager, I knew my husband would be the most wonderful man in the world, and I wanted to be a good wife and honor him.
  5. I didn’t want to make a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep. We all mean well when we make promises, but circumstances come up, and we can’t always keep them. Its the same with sin, we mean well, and we try our best not to sin and fall short, but WE ARE HUMAN. We will NEVER be perfect. I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t slip up and have sex before marriage. You have to take special precautions to keep away from sexual temptation. I’ll be the first to admit that it can be hard! Even the strongest Christian can stumble when put under the right circumstances. I knew that I would take every precaution necessary to keep my virginity until my wedding day, but I couldn’t predict what would happen in the future. Being madly in love will alter your thinking, and you can make snap judgements that you regret later, you just can’t guarantee that you won’t sin. I knew that if I made a purity pledge to my parents or my church, I would be letting them down, and I would have to accept any judgement they cast on me, because I MADE A PROMISE. I knew if I slipped, I would HAVE to answer to God because fornication is a sin, and I didn’t want the added weight of the disappointment of my church and family.
Virginity is a GOOD THING. God wants us to save ourselves for our spouses. He wants us to keep that promise to Him, but He also has grace. He has enough grace to cover every sin and short coming we have. If we fail and don’t keep that promise, He will still love us and He will forgive us. He made us, and He knows us better than anyone will ever know us. He knows if we really tried to flee fornication. He knows the circumstance.  He will forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t mean approval, if we are His children, He will punish us for our sexual immoralities, but that doesn’t change the love He has for us.
If you have made the decision to save yourself until marriage, I want to encourage you. Keep going. It is one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life. What my husband and I have together is special, and it’s something that we share with only each other.
If you have failed, or haven’t made that same decision, I want you to know that God still loves you. He isn’t happy that you have made that decision, but He wants to forgive you and give you another chance! He wants you to have a special bond with your husband, that’s what He made sex for.
**Disclaimer, I am, in no way, attacking anyone who has taken a purity pledge, I was just sharing my opinion on the subject.**


  1. This is perfect. For so long I felt odd/out of place as a christian who did not wear a purity ring or take a pledge. I had a promise ring, but that was all. It may strengthen some relationships, but me and my husband have always been somewhat personal people, and we share our feelings between each other…and we make these types of pledges alone…and because of that, I was confident that he kept his promise because he cherished me…not because we made an outward pledge to everyone around us. love this.

    • That’s where it has to start, you, your husband and God. You could make that promise to your entire church, and it won’t amount to a hill of beans if you don’t promise it to God first. Thank you for reading! 🙂

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